Figuring Out Who You Are

Janet asks: "How do you figure out who you are and to be happy with yourself?"

Hi Janet, you're asking a deep question. The first part about figuring out who you are, depends on your level of self-awareness. How well do you know your own temperament and personality; your strengths and weaknesses; your talents and abilities? People seeking to know themselves often engage in a process of self-discovery, where they question their purpose for living and why they are here. Now this is not an instant 20 minute process, some people take weeks and years to figure out who they are. The process is gradual with corrections along the way.

Okay, so now let me give you a metaphor for figuring out who you are. Imagine you are a heroine on a journey through life. Now every hero needs a quest or purpose or ultimate goal. Who decides what this ultimate purpose is? The hero of course. So you need to create your own ultimate goal to aim for, which will give meaning to your life. The same applies to your personality. You need to CHOOSE who you want to be. All self is self-created. We decide who we want to be and then through our actions and behaviors we manifest that person into reality.

When we were young, many of us had dreams of what we would like to be, do, and have in life. But too many years of hard schooling and laborious work wiped those dreams from our mind. We are brainwashed to conform to the norm of society, leaving our individuality behind. So now we need to reclaim that younger part of ourselves which was buried under the stresses of growing up and adjusting ourselves to fit into the world.

The truth about you is that you are much more than you think you are. What you conceive to be yourself is just that – a conception. The true nature behind that self-concept is far greater. As you mature, the clouds of your personality’s fixations can dissipate, and then you can gradually witness who you truly are.

For the second part of your question about being happy with yourself, it is related to the first part about being self-aware. If you know who you are currently, and who you want to be in the future, the gap between where you are now and where you want to be can affect your happiness.

The greater the gap, the less happy people are with themselves. Of course, this does not apply to all people, especially if they can see beyond the gap and realize that happiness is found in the present moment. So, just be happy because the condition of your Self is in a constant state of change. Another five years down the road, you might have transformed again. If we keep looking to the future for happiness, we will never realize how fortunate we are, right now.