May 27, 2011
January 20, 2011
The Measure of a Man
Since the end of the Industrial Age, men have lacked proper male role models. Pampered by our cushy white-collar jobs, our hands have become soft and our will has turned to mush. We have become the proverbial 'yes man' of the corporate world – lacking a spine, slithering around with a knife behind our backs, looking for someone to stab so we can climb the snakes and ladders of financial success. Perhaps we think: “Maybe the ladies will like me now that I have my cool new car and luxurious bachelor’s pad.”
Where are the real men of yesterday? The ones who worked hard all day till their muscles burned; the ones with blisters on their hands and calluses on their feet; the man that women swoon for at first sight? The answer is: “They’re all dead, Jim. All that’s left is us backstabbing, spineless, slithering yes-men.”
The real men may be dead, but their lessons from the past live on. Let us learn from our forefathers, what it means to be a man’s man.
#1 A Man Must Be Bold
In Chinese philosophy, a man's body composes mainly of Yang chi – the essence of male energy, representing vigour and vitality. Yang is forceful, the aggressor, and symbolised by fire and heat. Women on the other hand, are composed of Yin chi – the cooling, receptive energy that surrounds everything. Yin is subtle, the receiver, and represented by flowing water.
Being a man, it is your duty to represent the essence of Yang chi. There is no time for beating around the bush; being too shy to ask for what you want, and being unsure of yourself. You have to be bold... it is your duty to be bold. You are the Yang – the aggressor. If you want to know a woman, you have to make the approach. You cannot wait for her to make the approach; she is Yin. She is the shy, receptive one, who is waiting for you to approach her. Pardon my seemingly chauvinistic suggestion, but let her be the Yin. Do not try to reverse roles and be the shy man who cannot even say ‘Hi’. I have never heard someone say, “Hah, he’s such a wuss for thinking she would even talk to him…”. What you would usually hear is, “Wow man, you’ve got guts! I wish I could do that.”
Women are attracted to men who are not afraid to love them... someone they can lean on, a shoulder to cry on; boldness is a representation of that inner strength. You can define boldness as ‘the courage to act’, turning your fear into strength, accepting rejection and pain as a natural consequence for daring to achieve your dreams.
Boldness also applies to business and life in general. The British Special Air Service (SAS) has a famous motto: “Who Dares Wins”. If you have got the brains, the guts, and the tenacity, then chances are success is yours. Listen to what German Philosopher, Johann Wolfgang von Goethe said, “Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.”
#2 A Man Must Live with Honour
Honour is a virtue of the Gentleman. Having honour means that you commit yourself to following a specific set of moral guidelines. People trust an honourable person’s word as a guarantee of future moral performance. Nowadays, we sometimes use the word ‘Integrity’ to represent honour.
Learning to live with honour will make you more of a man than ten years of corporate snakes and ladders can. Your promise must be a solemn commitment that you will keep to, no matter what. Your word must be as good as gold, if not better.
Building an honourable reputation is no easy task. It means total commitment to upholding your integrity and living your life by defined moral principles. If you are successful, your good name will spread. People will recognise you as a trustworthy individual, whom they can count on to take care of the largest responsibilities and entrust with the most confidential secrets. Taking on more responsibilities and secrets, can raise your life to new levels of prosperity and plenty. But let us be warned… if we ever breach that trust by committing just one selfish or perverse act, what could take a lifetime to establish, we can destroy overnight.
In the present Communication Age, good news travels fast and bad news travels even faster. The only way to stop the bad news is to never allow it to be created. So mind your actions because people listen to what you say, but they watch what you do. Place your hand over your heart and say, “Let my principles be my guiding light, distilled from my highest wisdom about what is right. Let my morals stand tall and true, let them choose the things I do.” Now touch your head and say: “So Be It!”
Make a difference today, put your foot down and be bold about upholding your honour. Adhere to your principles. Never do anything that would compromise your integrity and the trust people have in you. In return for your efforts, you will create more flow in your life; opportunities will come faster and more abundantly. You will have the chance to live your life to its fullest potential and splendour. So be a man of honour – your life depends on it.
#3 A Man Must Be Magnanimous
Magnanimous means to have a generous, forgiving, and noble nature. Simply put, magnanimous people have a big heart. They are gracious and kind, philanthropic and benevolent. A magnanimous gentleman gives generously and expects nothing in return. He takes joy simply in seeing those around him happy. He is an intriguing conversationalist and tells jokes to make others laugh.
A man’s magnanimity does not allow him to easily take offence at the words and actions of others. Anything potentially offensive is simply seen for what it truly is… wind passing through the trees. Like bamboo, he will never break, but only bend with the direction of the wind.
When you have mastered magnanimity, you will intuitively understand that there is a Law of Increasing Returns in the universe which states, “Whatever you give out will come back to you ten times stronger.” For example, if you look down on someone, ten more people will look down on you. If you cheat $500 from an old woman, sometime down the road, you will lose $5000. Likewise, if you contribute $200 out of the goodness of your heart, $2000 will be available for you to earn back. Perhaps through your business or in a sudden lottery windfall.
If you choose to let your greed get the better of you, manipulate others to your benefit, and refuse to help the needy, you can only expect poverty, hate, and disappointment to head your way. You reap what you sow; you get whatever you give out. This is a universal law.
A magnanimous man knows that helping others does not exhaust his resources, but rather because of the Law of Increasing Returns, it increases his resources tenfold, allowing him to do more good for the world. He knows that in helping others, he is also helping himself.
Develop the habit of solving other peoples’ problems and you become a more generative person. You produce and contribute more than the average guy, and thus earn more because you deliver more value to others.
Take little steps starting today, to make these characteristics a part of your character. Help someone in need, keep a promise, dare to speak up. Challenge yourself to become a man’s man: Be Bold, Be Honourable, Be Magnanimous.
Where are the real men of yesterday? The ones who worked hard all day till their muscles burned; the ones with blisters on their hands and calluses on their feet; the man that women swoon for at first sight? The answer is: “They’re all dead, Jim. All that’s left is us backstabbing, spineless, slithering yes-men.”
The real men may be dead, but their lessons from the past live on. Let us learn from our forefathers, what it means to be a man’s man.
#1 A Man Must Be Bold
In Chinese philosophy, a man's body composes mainly of Yang chi – the essence of male energy, representing vigour and vitality. Yang is forceful, the aggressor, and symbolised by fire and heat. Women on the other hand, are composed of Yin chi – the cooling, receptive energy that surrounds everything. Yin is subtle, the receiver, and represented by flowing water.
Being a man, it is your duty to represent the essence of Yang chi. There is no time for beating around the bush; being too shy to ask for what you want, and being unsure of yourself. You have to be bold... it is your duty to be bold. You are the Yang – the aggressor. If you want to know a woman, you have to make the approach. You cannot wait for her to make the approach; she is Yin. She is the shy, receptive one, who is waiting for you to approach her. Pardon my seemingly chauvinistic suggestion, but let her be the Yin. Do not try to reverse roles and be the shy man who cannot even say ‘Hi’. I have never heard someone say, “Hah, he’s such a wuss for thinking she would even talk to him…”. What you would usually hear is, “Wow man, you’ve got guts! I wish I could do that.”
Women are attracted to men who are not afraid to love them... someone they can lean on, a shoulder to cry on; boldness is a representation of that inner strength. You can define boldness as ‘the courage to act’, turning your fear into strength, accepting rejection and pain as a natural consequence for daring to achieve your dreams.
Boldness also applies to business and life in general. The British Special Air Service (SAS) has a famous motto: “Who Dares Wins”. If you have got the brains, the guts, and the tenacity, then chances are success is yours. Listen to what German Philosopher, Johann Wolfgang von Goethe said, “Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.”
#2 A Man Must Live with Honour
Honour is a virtue of the Gentleman. Having honour means that you commit yourself to following a specific set of moral guidelines. People trust an honourable person’s word as a guarantee of future moral performance. Nowadays, we sometimes use the word ‘Integrity’ to represent honour.
Learning to live with honour will make you more of a man than ten years of corporate snakes and ladders can. Your promise must be a solemn commitment that you will keep to, no matter what. Your word must be as good as gold, if not better.
Building an honourable reputation is no easy task. It means total commitment to upholding your integrity and living your life by defined moral principles. If you are successful, your good name will spread. People will recognise you as a trustworthy individual, whom they can count on to take care of the largest responsibilities and entrust with the most confidential secrets. Taking on more responsibilities and secrets, can raise your life to new levels of prosperity and plenty. But let us be warned… if we ever breach that trust by committing just one selfish or perverse act, what could take a lifetime to establish, we can destroy overnight.
In the present Communication Age, good news travels fast and bad news travels even faster. The only way to stop the bad news is to never allow it to be created. So mind your actions because people listen to what you say, but they watch what you do. Place your hand over your heart and say, “Let my principles be my guiding light, distilled from my highest wisdom about what is right. Let my morals stand tall and true, let them choose the things I do.” Now touch your head and say: “So Be It!”
Make a difference today, put your foot down and be bold about upholding your honour. Adhere to your principles. Never do anything that would compromise your integrity and the trust people have in you. In return for your efforts, you will create more flow in your life; opportunities will come faster and more abundantly. You will have the chance to live your life to its fullest potential and splendour. So be a man of honour – your life depends on it.
#3 A Man Must Be Magnanimous
Magnanimous means to have a generous, forgiving, and noble nature. Simply put, magnanimous people have a big heart. They are gracious and kind, philanthropic and benevolent. A magnanimous gentleman gives generously and expects nothing in return. He takes joy simply in seeing those around him happy. He is an intriguing conversationalist and tells jokes to make others laugh.
A man’s magnanimity does not allow him to easily take offence at the words and actions of others. Anything potentially offensive is simply seen for what it truly is… wind passing through the trees. Like bamboo, he will never break, but only bend with the direction of the wind.
When you have mastered magnanimity, you will intuitively understand that there is a Law of Increasing Returns in the universe which states, “Whatever you give out will come back to you ten times stronger.” For example, if you look down on someone, ten more people will look down on you. If you cheat $500 from an old woman, sometime down the road, you will lose $5000. Likewise, if you contribute $200 out of the goodness of your heart, $2000 will be available for you to earn back. Perhaps through your business or in a sudden lottery windfall.
If you choose to let your greed get the better of you, manipulate others to your benefit, and refuse to help the needy, you can only expect poverty, hate, and disappointment to head your way. You reap what you sow; you get whatever you give out. This is a universal law.
A magnanimous man knows that helping others does not exhaust his resources, but rather because of the Law of Increasing Returns, it increases his resources tenfold, allowing him to do more good for the world. He knows that in helping others, he is also helping himself.
Develop the habit of solving other peoples’ problems and you become a more generative person. You produce and contribute more than the average guy, and thus earn more because you deliver more value to others.
Take little steps starting today, to make these characteristics a part of your character. Help someone in need, keep a promise, dare to speak up. Challenge yourself to become a man’s man: Be Bold, Be Honourable, Be Magnanimous.
January 18, 2011
The Secret of Being
Freedom Map #1: The Secret of Being
Define: Freedom Map
Freedom Maps are my special series of articles. Freedom Maps are designed to help a person break free of the limiting mindset which binds them to the Mouse Wheel.
Define: Mouse Wheel
The mouse wheel is what traps most people in the nine-to-five grind. In recent years, this has become more of an issue when people feel the drain of running in circles; pushing hard but not making progress. Freedom Maps are aimed at breaking the Mouse Wheel experience and creating a more liberating life.
“A Boat Without a Rudder”
This is your first Map to Freedom. Using it, you will be able to touch upon a deep-rooted issue that bothers many people.
If you have been stuck on the mouse wheel for a while, you know two things for sure: 1) you repeat the cycle day after day, and 2) no matter how much you do, there is always more to come.
Would you not say that these are perfect conditions to develop the belief that life is meaningless?
You are not alone. Millions of people are lost in a flurry of activity where they just work continuously without considering where their actions are taking them.
A popular saying nowadays is: Take Action! Take Action!
But without clear deliberation, people often end up running in the wrong directions... wasting time, energy, and effort. This reveals two causes for failing: either you do not know where you are going, or you are not doing the right things to get there.
An ounce of clarity is worth a ton of effort.
“Time and Tide Waits for No Man”
Life is short. The average lifespan is about 80 years in a hygienic country. It seems long when you are young, but count your days and it becomes obvious how much time you have.
One year = 365 days. If your days passed like the seconds on a clock, it would take just six minutes for you to age one year.
What can you do in six minutes? Maybe watch a Youtube clip.
If you were to live till 80 (6 mins x 80), that would translate into 480 minutes on our clock, which is 8 hours.
From birth till death in one working day, simply by reducing the days into seconds.
So... how many of your hours have you used up? Take [your current age in years x 6 minutes] and divide by 60. You will get your answer.
My hope is not to sadden you, but to make you aware of the time limit we are dealing with.
You need to make steady progress towards your dreams if you want to achieve them while you still have vigour in your body.
One of the dangers to your progress would be if you got stuck doing something you dislike.
Too many late nights and dashing in circles doing pointless tasks, would drain your vitality and leave you stranded without reaching your paradise.
Thus the old adage: Do What You Love, Love What You Do.
Accept nothing less.
Questions and Issues with this Adage
“What if what I love, does not make money? For example, I love playing video games and chatting with friends.”
Yes, this is a question of tying what you enjoy doing to what the market wants. You cannot sell if the market does not want to buy, so succeeding at this is about developing your product or service for the customer.
You need to think in terms of contributing and making life better for others. Only then will others pay you for the value you provide. It might take time and thought to translate what you enjoy into what others will pay you for.
“What if I do not know what I love?”
This would be a serious problem. It could also mean that you might be unsure of where to find the joy in your life. I have a magic question which might be able to help you.
In times where life feels bland or meaningless, I ask myself the magic question:
“What would I rather be doing instead?”
Allowing your mind to flow freely around this question, you engage a magical faculty of your mind which begins with the amazing ‘F’ word.
Fantasy.
Yup, all you need to do is engage in a little fantasy. The purpose of which is to identify what feelings you sense inside you, when you are doing what you enjoy.
Areas to pay attention to are your head, your heart, and your tummy area. Most people report sensations in one or more of these zones when they are fully fantasising.
I just want you to notice... what does it feel like when you are doing something you love?
If you have trouble fantasising, then close your eyes and recreate the fantasy experience in your mind’s eye. Visualise with your five senses — see, hear, smell, taste, and touch everything as if you are really there now. Then notice what you feel.
When you have identified that sensation of joy within you, you now have a reference point for any activity you choose to undertake in your life.
Here is the secret: What you choose to do, should spark off that sense of joy within you.
If it does not, then you should re-evaluate the project you are considering for its value and significance to you.
If the work does not inspire you, please junk it. Select goals you find meaningful and worthwhile. That is the way to long-term happiness.
“What if I am tied down by responsibilities which prevent me from doing what I like?”
Handling your responsibilities well makes you a responsible person. I salute you for that.
At the same time, it is a question of what responsibilities are you choosing to take on, and are they in alignment with your long term goals?
Certain responsibilities like taking care of your parents and children are lifelong and should never be considered a burden. Supporting family is an honour and should be a driving force which gives you the strength to go further.
Thus, make the distinction between meaningful and meaningless responsibilities.
Meaningful responsibilities inject joy into your life; meaningless responsibilities drain life out. Both require sacrifice and will cause you to bear pain.
What pain are you happily willing to sacrifice for because the meaning it brings into your life is worth so much more?
On the flip side, if the pain you bear only brings you greater sadness, then please junk it. Life was never meant to be a meaningless torture.
If you are in such a situation, perhaps the goal is to see if you can muster the courage to get yourself out of it.
In difficult decisions, I often ask myself three questions:
“Who am I choosing to be?”
“By making this decision, am I living up to who I am?”
“Can I die with no regrets?”
At the end of life, seldom do people count their money, cars, or assets. On the deathbed, a person thinks about what they have been through in life, they count their memories of happy and sad times; they think of the people they love, they regret their wrongdoings and pray for forgiveness.
What you have achieved becomes less important than how you have lived.
Your responsibilities might not be great achievements to the eyes of others... but in your heart, you know they are most important to you because they define how you have lived your life through every decision you have made.
We are the accumulation of our actions... thus you realise that you are constantly creating yourself until the very end.
Are you happy with who you have become?
The only person you need to come to terms with is yourself. Everyone else in life was here to facilitate your growth.
You thought it was about proving yourself; it was about being humble.
You thought it was about getting what you want; it was about learning to give.
You thought it was about seeking maximum pleasure; it was about sacrificing for what you love.
A Definite Purpose in Life
If there is one direction you can be sure of in life, it is that of growing yourself to be better than you are. The development of your character equals the growth of your soul.
Fortune and achievement aside, it is who you have become which ultimately decides your success or failure in life.
I want you to succeed, so I am here to tell you the secret of Being:
Take every decision personally. It reflects who you are. Live by your principles with your long term goal in mind, and you will always do the right thing.
Define: Freedom Map
Freedom Maps are my special series of articles. Freedom Maps are designed to help a person break free of the limiting mindset which binds them to the Mouse Wheel.
Define: Mouse Wheel
The mouse wheel is what traps most people in the nine-to-five grind. In recent years, this has become more of an issue when people feel the drain of running in circles; pushing hard but not making progress. Freedom Maps are aimed at breaking the Mouse Wheel experience and creating a more liberating life.“A Boat Without a Rudder”
This is your first Map to Freedom. Using it, you will be able to touch upon a deep-rooted issue that bothers many people.
If you have been stuck on the mouse wheel for a while, you know two things for sure: 1) you repeat the cycle day after day, and 2) no matter how much you do, there is always more to come.
Would you not say that these are perfect conditions to develop the belief that life is meaningless?
You are not alone. Millions of people are lost in a flurry of activity where they just work continuously without considering where their actions are taking them.
A popular saying nowadays is: Take Action! Take Action!
But without clear deliberation, people often end up running in the wrong directions... wasting time, energy, and effort. This reveals two causes for failing: either you do not know where you are going, or you are not doing the right things to get there.
An ounce of clarity is worth a ton of effort.
“Time and Tide Waits for No Man”
Life is short. The average lifespan is about 80 years in a hygienic country. It seems long when you are young, but count your days and it becomes obvious how much time you have.
One year = 365 days. If your days passed like the seconds on a clock, it would take just six minutes for you to age one year.
What can you do in six minutes? Maybe watch a Youtube clip.
If you were to live till 80 (6 mins x 80), that would translate into 480 minutes on our clock, which is 8 hours.
From birth till death in one working day, simply by reducing the days into seconds.
So... how many of your hours have you used up? Take [your current age in years x 6 minutes] and divide by 60. You will get your answer.
My hope is not to sadden you, but to make you aware of the time limit we are dealing with.
You need to make steady progress towards your dreams if you want to achieve them while you still have vigour in your body.
One of the dangers to your progress would be if you got stuck doing something you dislike.
Too many late nights and dashing in circles doing pointless tasks, would drain your vitality and leave you stranded without reaching your paradise.
Thus the old adage: Do What You Love, Love What You Do.
Accept nothing less.
Questions and Issues with this Adage
“What if what I love, does not make money? For example, I love playing video games and chatting with friends.”
Yes, this is a question of tying what you enjoy doing to what the market wants. You cannot sell if the market does not want to buy, so succeeding at this is about developing your product or service for the customer.
You need to think in terms of contributing and making life better for others. Only then will others pay you for the value you provide. It might take time and thought to translate what you enjoy into what others will pay you for.
“What if I do not know what I love?”
This would be a serious problem. It could also mean that you might be unsure of where to find the joy in your life. I have a magic question which might be able to help you.
In times where life feels bland or meaningless, I ask myself the magic question:
“What would I rather be doing instead?”
Allowing your mind to flow freely around this question, you engage a magical faculty of your mind which begins with the amazing ‘F’ word.
Fantasy.
Yup, all you need to do is engage in a little fantasy. The purpose of which is to identify what feelings you sense inside you, when you are doing what you enjoy.
Areas to pay attention to are your head, your heart, and your tummy area. Most people report sensations in one or more of these zones when they are fully fantasising.
I just want you to notice... what does it feel like when you are doing something you love?
If you have trouble fantasising, then close your eyes and recreate the fantasy experience in your mind’s eye. Visualise with your five senses — see, hear, smell, taste, and touch everything as if you are really there now. Then notice what you feel.
When you have identified that sensation of joy within you, you now have a reference point for any activity you choose to undertake in your life.
Here is the secret: What you choose to do, should spark off that sense of joy within you.
If it does not, then you should re-evaluate the project you are considering for its value and significance to you.
If the work does not inspire you, please junk it. Select goals you find meaningful and worthwhile. That is the way to long-term happiness.
“What if I am tied down by responsibilities which prevent me from doing what I like?”
Handling your responsibilities well makes you a responsible person. I salute you for that.
At the same time, it is a question of what responsibilities are you choosing to take on, and are they in alignment with your long term goals?
Certain responsibilities like taking care of your parents and children are lifelong and should never be considered a burden. Supporting family is an honour and should be a driving force which gives you the strength to go further.
Thus, make the distinction between meaningful and meaningless responsibilities.
Meaningful responsibilities inject joy into your life; meaningless responsibilities drain life out. Both require sacrifice and will cause you to bear pain.
What pain are you happily willing to sacrifice for because the meaning it brings into your life is worth so much more?
On the flip side, if the pain you bear only brings you greater sadness, then please junk it. Life was never meant to be a meaningless torture.
If you are in such a situation, perhaps the goal is to see if you can muster the courage to get yourself out of it.
In difficult decisions, I often ask myself three questions:
“Who am I choosing to be?”
“By making this decision, am I living up to who I am?”
“Can I die with no regrets?”
At the end of life, seldom do people count their money, cars, or assets. On the deathbed, a person thinks about what they have been through in life, they count their memories of happy and sad times; they think of the people they love, they regret their wrongdoings and pray for forgiveness.
What you have achieved becomes less important than how you have lived.
Your responsibilities might not be great achievements to the eyes of others... but in your heart, you know they are most important to you because they define how you have lived your life through every decision you have made.
We are the accumulation of our actions... thus you realise that you are constantly creating yourself until the very end.
Are you happy with who you have become?
The only person you need to come to terms with is yourself. Everyone else in life was here to facilitate your growth.
You thought it was about proving yourself; it was about being humble.
You thought it was about getting what you want; it was about learning to give.
You thought it was about seeking maximum pleasure; it was about sacrificing for what you love.
A Definite Purpose in Life
If there is one direction you can be sure of in life, it is that of growing yourself to be better than you are. The development of your character equals the growth of your soul.
Fortune and achievement aside, it is who you have become which ultimately decides your success or failure in life.
I want you to succeed, so I am here to tell you the secret of Being:
Take every decision personally. It reflects who you are. Live by your principles with your long term goal in mind, and you will always do the right thing.
January 17, 2011
Competing With Others
Something about the frantic pace of today's society... people are always trying to get ahead of one another. You can hear them say, "Outdo the other guy; be better than them... this is a dog-eat-dog world." Some people feel that they have to prove themselves to the world. To show that they have what it takes to be great. Only then can they feel good about themselves. So they work doubly hard, constantly comparing their success to that of others. "I can run faster than you, I'm more capable, more knowledgeable, richer, better-looking, and even my dog is cuter than yours..." But have you heard the Chinese saying, "With every mountain crossed, a higher mountain awaits"? If you believe you have to beat others to achieve success, then your opponents are just going to get bigger, ‘badder’, and meaner. On the flip side, if you believe you have to cooperate to achieve success, your friends will get bigger, stronger, and more capable. It will be like standing on the shoulders of giants.
Let us be realistic here: nobody ever built an empire by themselves. They relied heavily on the strength and support of others. Just like the Pyramids of Egypt, The Great Wall of China, and the City of Rome. In fact, much of it they built using slave labour – people who did not even believe in what they were building. Do you know how many people died building these monolithic structures? They chained people up, whipped them around, and tortured them for not obeying. Can you imagine doing that to someone in today's modern society? Perhaps not, but let me tell you... people are still practicing this behaviour. Modern day corporate bureaucracy is just a kinder form of slave labour – whips and chains are replaced with wages and contracts. There is still a part of us that seeks to dominate others. It is in our genes.
Survival and reproduction instinct urges us to outdo others, be stronger, smarter, richer, so we can have a higher chance of mating and passing on our genes. This is a core motivation for all the fake accent, conversation monopolising, jargon-spouting behaviour you see at cocktail parties. Everyone's trying to raise their social status by appearing cultured, refined, and polished.
In the Stone Age human days, the guy with the highest social status was the one with the biggest club and the largest muscles. But the battlefield today has changed... Clubs are replaced with cars. Flexing muscles has been replaced with displaying intelligence. But you know what has not changed? Everyone's still trying to prove they are better than the next guy! You cannot escape it; it is in your blood. So perhaps you can say that your biology is not up-to-date. Your body is still running those old programs which say, "Put them in their place! Show them who's boss! You're the Man! You Go Girl!" But what we need is more cooperation and less confrontation.
To climb high and stand tall in today's world, you need to overcome your biological instinct to compete, and instead, seek harmony with others, which gives you opportunity to cooperate. Learn how to make friends out of enemies; see the good in others, and win people to your side. The soft approach is the only alternative to that old caveman violence which no longer produces results. Nowadays you try to dominate others through physical force, and soon you will see these red flashing lights and dark blue men arrive on the scene.
You have to decide how you choose to treat others – with respect, trust, and integrity? Or with disrespect, suspicion, and deceit? This is not to say that you should blindly trust everyone.... Always practice good judgment of character. Learn to read people. See past the surface and reveal the personality within. Honestly, I believe it helps to learn the Chinese Art of Face Reading – Mian Xiang. I am a practicing face reader myself, and till today, I am still surprised with the accuracy of this ancient skill. People with certain attitudes and behaviours, do grow to look a certain way, it is strange.
In the story of Pinnochio, whenever he tells a lie, his nose grows longer. In Chinese Mian Xiang, you can spot a liar through his zigzag nose, distorted lips, and crooked teeth. I have seen people with one or more of these characteristics, and over time I have watched their actions... they do lie a lot. You can also spot people who are mischievous, people with sexual promiscuities, and people who are dangerous (murderous intent). My point is… do not blindly trust everyone, but judge who you consider trustworthy. And once you find good people, treat them with respect, honour, and integrity because people can smell when you do not trust them. There is a saying, "Xiao Li Chang Dao" – meaning, 'hiding a dagger behind a smile'. You do not want people to think that is what you are trying to do, so be congruent in the way you treat others. Do not pretend to be gracious when meeting face-to-face, but when backs are turned, call them the enemy or the son of a dog. Even if words do not hurt, it still reflects poorly on one’s character.
Rise to the top through cooperation and strategic partnerships. Learn to read whom you can trust and whom you cannot. Be congruent in the way you treat others. And most importantly, overcome the inflated idea of self-importance. Conquer your ego, for we are no better and no worse than anyone else. That difference exists only in our minds. Given the right circumstances and role models, we could grow to be anything – good or evil, upright or corrupt, rich or poor. You are who you are today, largely because of the life you were born into. Each life has its own lesson and its own special purpose. So there is no point comparing your life with others because each of us must walk our own path. Look to others as role models and guiding posts, but do not become infatuated with being better than others. A more positive gauge would be to aim to be better than you are now – compete with yourself. And that is how you can get ahead without stepping on anyone’s toes.
January 16, 2011
Controlling The Inner Pervert
Men have two heads. The big head, and the little head (the smaller, more purple one). The problem is, in the average male, although the purple head is smaller, it is also more powerful than the big head. That is why they say, "It has a mind of its own."
Many times when I suggest that men should practice self-control, discipline, and restraint, I know it is not easy. As a male, I know how powerful the little head can be. Why do you think psychologists say men have a sexual thought every 20 seconds? That is the little head doing the thinking. And if you think with your little head, it is going to lead you around by the 'you know what', and cause you to waste time, money, and energy. Resources which could be put to better use.
Just today (26 July 2008), I was walking to lunch with a friend along Singapore's Arab street when I passed by a serious-looking Chinese businessman in a short-sleeved shirt — about 48 years-old with a royal belly, a shock of grey hair, and a large mole on his left cheek.
He looked fine and proper, but what unnerved me was the way he looked at the two women who were passing on my right. He kept a straight face, but the intensity of his gaze told me he was visualising something in his mind. As he walked pass the women, his right hand reached down and groped his crotch, a slight curl appeared at the corner of his mouth. Then he noticed me watching, his facial expression tightened and became blank. I looked away pretending not to notice.
The world is getting pretty perverted and sexuality is out of control. In public spaces, men stare lustfully at women's bodies, commenting about how big or how small, giving the woman a ‘hotness rating' on a scale of one to ten. Comic books depict sexual acts with alien tentacles, French maids, sibling incest and other unmentionables.
This perversion is further fuelled by the media. Splash open any urban magazine for men or women, and you will be assaulted by the number of sexy pictures and juicy stories. The risqué tolerance is so high that a breast is not considered exposed as long as it has two little stickers or two fingers covering the nipples.
All this leads to a perversion of the mind. A guy once asked me, "How do I make money and be productive? All I like to do is watch porn and spank my monkey."
"What would you do if you had money?" I asked.
"Get laid, of course!" he exclaimed.
"Well, you are getting laid by your hand," I replied.
Inside my heart, I understood his pain and his underlying desires. Every man has the drive to procreate, or there would not be six billion of us on Earth. Somebody was doing the humping.
Yet, if this guy had money, he would definitely turn into a player and wreck havoc in many women's lives.
"But... what's wrong with that?" I hear someone say. "A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do."
Well, according to Karmic Law, the amount of emotional pain a player causes to someone, is said to be multiplied and returned to them at a later stage in their life. By hurting others, we create lessons for ourselves.
The problem with the player is that he or she does not respect a person as an individual. But rather, they see the opposite sex as their plaything or toy. A human being becomes an object rather than a person with dreams and desires of their own. They have no qualms about going in and messing up someone's life for their own pleasure. How would you like it if someone comes into your life, wins over your heart and then crushes it? Throughout the Ages, what women have yearned for is sincerity, but what they get are wolves in sheep skin.
That might not be the end of it... a scorned ex-lover might approach a witch or a voodoo master to place a curse. The victim’s luck might reverse; their whole life could turn upside down. And worse, they would not even know why.
Saying 'I love you' without meaning it can be dangerous because 'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned'. I suppose you could also say, '...like a man scorned'. But men would more likely take direct action like murder rather than use magic.
When we see people as objects rather than individuals, we say insensitive things like, 'fatter than Jupiter', or 'he's so bald I can see my reflection' or 'boobs like an airplane tarmac' and 'her face is uglier than my dog's'. Maybe it is funny, but it is also painful for the person it is directed at. Avoid judging people as objects.
If you do judge people in this way, then we might say your mind is infected with a cultural disease. You need to be cured. And the first step to the curing of a diseased mind is the removal of mental trash. Cut the intake of media which discusses and disrespectfully displays people as objects. These include gossip magazines and tabloid news, internet porn sites, and trash TV.
Just like how junk food spoils your body, junk content spoils your mind. Some people close their eyes and all they can see are pornographic images; then they complain they seem unable to accomplish anything worthwhile. Remember the computer term, GIGO — Garbage In Garbage Out — what you get out of yourself, is only as good as the content you put in.
If you can adopt these three habits: 1) Respect people as individuals, 2) Avoid hurting others through words or actions, and 3) Cut the intake of mental trash, you will come closer to developing a personality which people love and appreciate. Your refined character will attract new people into your life (possibly romance). The removal of mental garbage will give you more clarity of purpose to enhance your vision and direction in life. Plus, the mental space allows you to think and reflect deeply.
Another thing you can do is not try and pick up every person you meet. Everyone has their own life to lead, and they would be better off if you did not interfere with their life's path. Messing with other people just for the fun of it will invite problems into your own life. Only do it when you are pure in intention.
Finally, replace your gossip magazines and porn with some good books and engaging hobbies. Simply channel your extra energy into worthwhile pursuits. That will help you grow into a more interesting and well-rounded individual.
These three qualities are important in developing an optimal character, but there are more I will share with you in future. I will attempt to expound on these unique characteristics in each article I write.
January 15, 2011
Cleaning for Success
When you are bored or have excess energy and you do not feel like sitting still, you should clean the house. Housework is one of the best forms of therapy available. If you are an office worker, you have already spent the whole day stuck to your chair, flexing your brain and while your body goes idle. When people get home, most of them slump into their couch and turn on their TV. Most of the time, it is not their body that is tired, but their mind. Is it not silly to tax your eyeballs with TV when you have already spent your whole day staring at your computer screen?
This is unhealthy.
You should do the opposite and activate your body while relaxing your mind. Housework is the perfect activity because it does not take much brain power and it exercises all major muscle groups in your body. Let us compare this with sport because I know there are people who would rather play squash than clean the house.
In any ball game, the objective is clear. You have got to score a point. In housework, the objective is also clear - you have got to make the area clean and organised. In sport, the motions are repetitive, like running, bouncing the ball, or teeing off in golf. In housework, the motions are also repetitive – scrubbing, sweeping, folding and more.
In many ways, housework is just like sport. But better because you get to savour the results of a sparkling clean and efficiently organised home. Old people know that housework is great for relaxation. You see them pruning their gardens, painting their fences, and tidying up the place; always with a smile on their face.
A clean house will sustain a healthier body and lifestyle. Get your black belt in killing germs, dust mites, fungus, mould, and mildew. Steam-vacuum your floors and carpets, scrub your toilet bowl, sink, and shower; rinse the dust mites from your sheets and curtains. Did you know that ringworms can live inside your socks? Kill the bastards before they give you this:
[ Don't sleep on your socks. ]
When your home is neat and beautiful, you can be proud to entertain your friends and relatives there. Show them that there is a civilised person living in this house. They would surely be impressed by your fastidiousness. And if you ever have to entertain a business client at home, the cleanliness and organisation says something about you. Plus if you are single, the first thing your potential partner will notice is whether you live in a dump or a residence.
"But I have a maid..."
Stop letting your maid have all the fun.... Even if you are not doing the sweeping or scrubbing, take an active interest in organising your living area. Arrange and set things up to suit yourself. Toss out old clutter which is cramping your space. Surely your maid cannot decide what to throw out. By removing useless stuff and organising useful stuff in a clever way, you make items easier to access and your increased speed makes you more productive.
Here are three easy and powerful de-cluttering tips:
- Take an empty plastic bag and fill it up with junk you no longer use or need anymore. Throw out or give away one bag a day.
- Dig into your cupboards and wardrobes for all the clutter that is hidden out of sight – because we cannot see it, we do not notice its existence. But it is there taking up space and blocking the way for the storage of useful items.
- Reduce the amount of stuff you buy. Economic and scientific research has shown that we do not use a lot of the items we own. And in Buddhist philosophy there is a saying that less possessions is best because more possessions results in more items to mind; more worries and things to take care of. Then it would be the case of the possessions possessing the owner rather than the other way around.
Clean for Success and win the battle for your life.
The Truth About How To Change Your Life
When life does not unfold the way you expect... and there are many situations like this, where the harder you try or the faster you act, the worse things get. What can you do to shift the flow of things and change your life?
One of the most important principles I have learnt in my lifetime is that ‘Life Mirrors Your Beliefs’.
We are all the product of what is within us. If, for example, you develop the belief that others are out to cheat, then you will find a lot of people who fill that role perfectly, and victimising situations strangely drawn to you.
This is not to say that the world does not have people who intentionally deceive, or that you should not be wary, but if the fear of deception becomes your main focus, then that is all you will find. The intense focus blinds you to those who are honest, generous, and just.
Beliefs colour our perceptions, such that even the cutest, kindest animal can seem to be a venomous beast.
The reverse is also true.
What is important is that you clear your mind to be free of beliefs which cloud your perceptions, such that you can achieve clear sensing to get the most objective impressions of people and situations.
This alone, can shift the course of your life.
Many of us are not aware of the thoughts which flash by in our minds. The culmination of these split second assumptions and judgments, subtly shift our moods and conjure emotional storms that cause us to act in destructive and detrimental ways.
That is why I always say: The better a person you are, the better your life shall unfold.
Sometimes, people challenge me on this and cite examples of those who are dishonourable, selfish, and greedy, who seem to have all the wealth, power, and fame.
I say yes, they are right. There are people who use an underhanded approach to quickly achieve wealth, power, fame, and pleasure. Yet, there are people who achieve equivalent results using honourable, generous, and fair principles.
The difference is in which way allows you to get a good night’s sleep.
Let us examine the question of quality of life for a moment….
Is a good life defined just by money, luxury, status, and the satisfaction of our desires?
Or could peace of mind, family harmony, friendly neighbours, and a sense of meaningful existence, contribute to your happiness?
Even though one road is faster… at the end of life, the the ultimate question is still:
“Achievement and luxury aside, are you happy with who you have become?”
And I do not mean ‘who’ as in status or reputation, like:
“So-and-so is a Powerful Leader.” — Who’s Who
“Revolutionary Brilliance.” — TIME
These are achievements.
What I mean by ‘who’, is the measure of your character, which requires the transformation of your heart.
The most difficult situations in our lives that we are stuck with, cannot be broken through with a simple change of strategy or the latest tactic.
These are tools of the mind. The best tools, wielded inappropriately, would become a weapon, and instead of building something worthwhile, would lead to destructive results.
What you need are not new tools or techniques, but a different way of using them.
And the difference here, is in your heart — not in your intelligence, but in your wisdom.
Wisdom comes from the heart. It is what you choose to do with all that you know; the alignment of your actions — what is your effect on the world?
When it is finally time to go, what have you left behind through your life on Earth? Will the world be any better for your friends, your family, your children?
Or have you unknowingly made it harder for them to carry on?
Life is a transformation of character.
You could just be doing an ordinary job, leading a simple, routine life. Yet, you are in the same boat as the most extravagant millionaire.
You are on the Life Boat… and on this journey, the destination is not as important as how you choose to get there.
The path you choose is a reflection of who you are. And in God’s eyes, that is all that matters.
One of the most important principles I have learnt in my lifetime is that ‘Life Mirrors Your Beliefs’.
We are all the product of what is within us. If, for example, you develop the belief that others are out to cheat, then you will find a lot of people who fill that role perfectly, and victimising situations strangely drawn to you.
This is not to say that the world does not have people who intentionally deceive, or that you should not be wary, but if the fear of deception becomes your main focus, then that is all you will find. The intense focus blinds you to those who are honest, generous, and just.
Beliefs colour our perceptions, such that even the cutest, kindest animal can seem to be a venomous beast.
The reverse is also true.
What is important is that you clear your mind to be free of beliefs which cloud your perceptions, such that you can achieve clear sensing to get the most objective impressions of people and situations.
This alone, can shift the course of your life.
Many of us are not aware of the thoughts which flash by in our minds. The culmination of these split second assumptions and judgments, subtly shift our moods and conjure emotional storms that cause us to act in destructive and detrimental ways.
That is why I always say: The better a person you are, the better your life shall unfold.
Sometimes, people challenge me on this and cite examples of those who are dishonourable, selfish, and greedy, who seem to have all the wealth, power, and fame.
I say yes, they are right. There are people who use an underhanded approach to quickly achieve wealth, power, fame, and pleasure. Yet, there are people who achieve equivalent results using honourable, generous, and fair principles.
The difference is in which way allows you to get a good night’s sleep.
Let us examine the question of quality of life for a moment….
Is a good life defined just by money, luxury, status, and the satisfaction of our desires?
Or could peace of mind, family harmony, friendly neighbours, and a sense of meaningful existence, contribute to your happiness?
Even though one road is faster… at the end of life, the the ultimate question is still:
“Achievement and luxury aside, are you happy with who you have become?”
And I do not mean ‘who’ as in status or reputation, like:
“So-and-so is a Powerful Leader.” — Who’s Who
“Revolutionary Brilliance.” — TIME
These are achievements.
What I mean by ‘who’, is the measure of your character, which requires the transformation of your heart.
The most difficult situations in our lives that we are stuck with, cannot be broken through with a simple change of strategy or the latest tactic.
These are tools of the mind. The best tools, wielded inappropriately, would become a weapon, and instead of building something worthwhile, would lead to destructive results.
What you need are not new tools or techniques, but a different way of using them.
And the difference here, is in your heart — not in your intelligence, but in your wisdom.
Wisdom comes from the heart. It is what you choose to do with all that you know; the alignment of your actions — what is your effect on the world?
When it is finally time to go, what have you left behind through your life on Earth? Will the world be any better for your friends, your family, your children?
Or have you unknowingly made it harder for them to carry on?
Life is a transformation of character.
You could just be doing an ordinary job, leading a simple, routine life. Yet, you are in the same boat as the most extravagant millionaire.
You are on the Life Boat… and on this journey, the destination is not as important as how you choose to get there.
The path you choose is a reflection of who you are. And in God’s eyes, that is all that matters.
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